


I'll See You Later

by bondove



Category: Euphoria (TV 2019)
Genre: F/M, Minor Violence, Secrets, it's hella toxic okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:21:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28396065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bondove/pseuds/bondove
Summary: Nate drops by at Jules's house unannounced. Jules doesn't know what Nate wants from her or what she wants from him.
Relationships: Nate Jacobs/Jules Vaughn
Comments: 10
Kudos: 45





	I'll See You Later

They had sat in silence for a long time. Jules had no idea how much time had passed. Seconds had melted to minutes. Jules’s panic had turned into a weird haze. It was the same feeling that she got on road trips. Nothing felt real. There wasn’t past, present or future. Just one long moment that was impossible to grab and hold onto. The moment flowed like a stream – constantly moving yet forever the same. Jules wasn’t sure did she love or hate that feeling.

Nate had showed up at Jules’s house unannounced. She wasn’t sure what had possessed her to open the door. Maybe it was the knowledge of the fact that Nate was unpredictable, and Jules wasn’t willing to put herself on the line of fire. Especially after what Nate had done to Maddy. Jules hadn’t believed for a second that Nate wasn’t behind that.

Neither of them had said much. Nate had knocked on the backdoor almost right after Jules’s dad had left. Jules was fairly sure that Nate had been watching her house – waiting. She wasn’t sure how she felt about that. Jules had thought that she had seen Nate’s car parked down the streets occasionally few times before. She had told herself that she was just overthinking it. Multiple people could have the same model car. Not that she was even 100% sure what Nate’s car looked like. Now her mind wandered back to the possibility. that it could have been Nate after all. But if it was, then why? What was the angle? Jules was terrified to ask.

Nate had marched in right past Jules. He had known his way to the living room a little too well. Jules tried to ignore that. Nate had sat down on the couch and haven’t moved after at all. The way he was sitting seemed weird. Nate usually had a good posture. Stiff, even. But not now. He had leaned all the way back and was resting his head against the wall behind him. Jules had never seen him like this.

There were many odd things about Nate’s behavior. He wasn’t wearing his usual stone-cold expression or a cruel smile. He looked sad. There was something in his eyes that Jules couldn’t really read. Nate was staring at the ceiling, not seeming to care about Jules’s observing gaze. That was weird as well. Nate always had something to say. Usually something rude or demanding.

Jules wasn’t scared of Nate. She knew that she maybe should have been. Nate was ruthless. He had violent tendencies and he had been able to blackmail her into committing a crime. Maybe that was the reason Jules didn’t feel fear. What could he do? Hurt her? Beat the shit out of her or take advantage of her sexually? Jules wasn’t afraid of those things. Many people had hurt her before. She would get through it again. Nate wouldn’t break her. Jules wouldn’t allow a piece of shit like him to do that to her. No.

For some reason Jules didn’t believe that Nate would hurt her. _Not like that_. She had no reason to think so, but for some reason she did. It was just a gut feeling. An instinct. Jules wasn’t a fool. She knew that she wasn’t safe with Nate. Only an idiot would feel safe with a person like that. But still, she trusted the sense of security she felt with the idea that Nate wouldn’t lay his hands on her. Maybe it was foolish of her - or even arrogant. Whatever it was, Jules chose to believe in it. At least for now.

“You shouldn’t let people walk in like that,” Nate was talking in his familiar stern voice; “It’s not very safe. You’re dainty. You wouldn’t be able defend yourself.”

Jules wasn’t sure was that meant as a threat. _I’ll fuck you up if you won’t do what I want_. Maybe it was, maybe it wasn’t. Jules didn’t answer. What could she even say? It was probably wiser not to say anything. Nate cut the silence again after a moment. His eyes were still locked to the ceiling.

“There’s people in this world who want to hurt people like you. Pretty, fragile girls with no self-respect. You wouldn’t even report it, would you. No one would care enough. They wouldn’t believe you. You would be just another slut anyway. Everyone knows the way you dress. The photos you post on your Instagram. They would dig up the messages, photos and videos you’ve send to men you don’t know. Men who don’t give a shit about you. You were basically asking for it.” Nate talked monotonously. There was no emotion in anything he said.

Nate’s words made Jules feel sick to her stomach. She knew he was right, of course. That was how the world worked. No one cared about girls or women until they were dead. Preferably brutally murdered. Molested and mutilated. Then they cared. Then people mourned and cried how this could never happen again. Enjoyed the tragedy porn for the while it was interesting – and then moved on even though nothing changed. Jules knew that it wouldn’t be like that if she died in a horrible way. Most people didn’t care about trans girls. Or if they cared, they wanted girls like Jules dead anyway.

“Why are you here, Nate?” Jules asked. She tried her best not to sound as small as she felt.

Nate didn’t answer the question but kept talking: “You don’t deserve that. You don’t. There are some people who do. You know. Some people are so out of touch with the real world that the only thing bringing them back to reality is that something horrendous happens to them. Something so bad that they can no longer look at their own reflection. Face their families. That they have to carry the crown of shame for years, because the way they were violented was so humiliating.”

Jules didn’t want to listen to Nate’s monologue. She felt like she was about to throw up but wasn’t sure why. Maybe it was just the way Nate talked. He said such terrible things but the way he articulated them made Jules feel like he was right. Jules didn’t agree with him at all, but something told her to listen. To believe every single word he said. That maybe some people deserved to get hurt.

It was unsettling how much power Nate held. He was the perfect package in a way. Tall, dark and handsome. He had charisma and ambition. Greed, some would say. Power hungry, shameless men were the worst of them. Jules hated the fact that those attributes were the ones she was attracted to. Mostly sexually. She knew that deep down it was also about an insane wish that she could change them for better. Or corrupt their beliefs with her own and get full control of them. It was stupid, Jules knew.

“You know,” Nate started and took a brief pause; “Maybe I’m one of those people. That only after that I would be whole. After someone destroys me.”

“Why are you telling me this? Any of this?” Jules asked. She was no clue what this was about. What was the point of any of this? Why of all people Nate had come to her?

A faint smile on Nate’s face came and went in a blink of an eye. He closed his eyes; “Because you won’t tell anyone?”

“Says who?” Jules asked. She knew full well that she wouldn’t be talking to anyone about this. Not even Rue. Hell, Jules wasn’t sure did Rue want to be in any contact with her anyway. Jules didn’t have many people to talk with.

Jules had realized that she didn’t really have anyone in the past weeks. Rue hadn’t answered any of Jules’s texts or calls after the incident at the train station. Sure, TC and Anna were her friends, but they lived in the city and the distance was taking a toll on her and TC’s friendship. They had used to be thick as thieves, but it wasn’t the same. And then there was Kat, but she was more Rue’s friend. Jules didn’t trust anyone to know what was going on with her and Nate.

“No one’s going to know that I was even here,” Nate said in a low voice. It wasn’t threatening. He had probably figured out that Jules wouldn’t dare to tell anyone anything. And if she did, Nate could just deny it all. Jules would be just an outsider spreading rumors. No one would listen. Nate was smart enough to understand the power he had in this situation. The power he had in general.

“What do you want from me?” Jules asked. She was starting to feel uneasy with the situation. She wanted Nate out of her home. This had been a safe haven – untouched ground. Nate was tarnishing it and Jules hated it. She hated him and how he made her feel.

Nate took a moment to respond. He turned his head lazily to lean to the right, so he was facing Jules. His expression was hard to interpret. In a way he looked relaxed, calm. On the other hand, Jules could see something manic in the way he looked at her. It was that too familiar hungry look Jules had seen in the eyes of all the men she had ever slept with. Jules knew Nate wasn’t going to admit to being attracted to her, but she knew. She saw it. _Felt it_. Nate didn’t exactly try to hide it.

“I’m not sure yet. Many things,” Nate said. Jules had never seen him like that. The whole thing was so out of character. But at the same time not at all. Nate had always been unpredictable and usually in the nastiest ways possible. Jules hoped that he wouldn’t do another sudden turn of behavior like he had at the lake.

Jules hated the fact that Nate only gave vague answers and treated her in the way he did. Worst thing was that Jules couldn’t deny the attraction she felt to him. It was textbook destructive behavior. Jules hadn’t realized how deep waters she was in before the night at the club with Anna. How she couldn’t have stopped seeing Nate. Feeling his touch on her skin and fantasizing about degrading him. It hadn’t been about revenge or despise. It was raw desire and Jules felt sick when she thought about it. _She_ was sick. It wasn’t normal to feel this way about a person who treated her the way Nate did.

Something twisted in Jules’s stomach when she thought about the way Nate had kissed her at the lake. How good it had felt. How Jules longed for that moment even though she hated his guts. Even though he had threatened to ruin her life in the worst possible way. Even though Jules wanted nothing more than to strike his head with an ashtray. It was messed up in so many ways.

“Have you ever thought about running away?” Nate asked. He was still looking straight at Jules. She was staring right back.

“I have ran away before,” Jules said. Nate smiled at that.

“Of course, you have,” Nate said and his smiled died down: “Why have you come back?”

Jules shrugged: “My dad. Friends. My life. I can’t runaway forever. I like myself too much.”

“Do you really?”

Jules didn’t answer. She did. She loved herself. What she was deep down. It was just everything else that she hated. Sometimes she hated everything so much that the only solution was to go away or else she might have done something unspeakable. But she wouldn’t. She was self-destructive at times, not suicidal. Not anymore.

A car drove to the house. Headlights flashed. It got to be dad. He had only left for a quick visit at the grocery store. Nate got up before the engine was turned off. Jules followed in suit. She wasn’t sure why. Nate knew the way and Jules wanted her out as quickly as possible. Neither of them said anything when they walked through the utility room to the back door.

Nate opened the door and turned to Jules: “This wasn’t locked. You have to lock your doors.”

“Yeah, umh, yeah dad probably left it open. He does that,” Jules said and hated how she stumbled over her words. This took her by surprise, and she didn’t understand why Nate cared.

“Keep it locked,” Nate commanded, and Jules nodded, even though Nate wasn’t even looking at her direction.

Nate was already halfway out of the door, when their eyes locked for a brief second. That was enough for something to click in Nate’s head. Nate pushed her against a wall with so much force that Jules knew it would leave a bruise. His hands were tangled up in her hair and it sent shivers down her spine. Jules wasn’t sure was it because of the pain or the fear or the raw attraction she felt towards Nate. Probably all three.

The way Nate kissed her was soft. His lips moved slowly, tenderly. Jules melted under Nate’s touch and he didn’t pull on her hair so violently anymore. It felt good. So, so good that Jules wished the moment wouldn’t pass and would last forever. Getting lost in this sensation was addictive. Breathtaking.

The moment broke, when Jules placed her hand on Nate’s hips. She hadn’t even realized that she was doing it before Nate yanked her head back. It bumped against the wall, but Nate’s hand was still in her hair softening the hit.

Nate scoffed and shook his head: “Don’t even dream about that.”

“I won’t, but you do, don’t you?” Jules wasn’t sure where this sudden burst of confidence was coming from. She looked Nate straight into eyes and wouldn’t turn away.

“Fuck you,” Nate hissed and let go of Jules. Again, with way more force than necessary. Jules didn’t give a damn.

“You want to, right? You want to fuck me so bad and you can’t handle it. You can’t even admit it to yourself.” Jules saw how rage was building up in Nate. He looked furious and Jules loved it so much it made her toes curl.

Jules heard how the front door opened. Dad was here.

Jules couldn’t resist the temptation. At this point she was just begging for a beat-up. She leaned forwards to get closer to Nate and whispered: “You want me, but your daddy got to me first. Makes you angry, doesn’t it?”

Nate didn’t answer. He didn’t even touch Jules. He must have heard the door as well. Jules loved the power she had now. Nate couldn’t hurt her now that there would be a witness. Jules knew that this would come to bite her in the back sooner or later, but she didn’t care.

They stared at each other for a second longer, before Nate finally stepped back. Jules saw how he clenched his fists, but he didn’t even try to lay hands on her. He bit his lip and Jules couldn’t help but to smile. She loved this sudden rush of adrenaline that she got from talking back at Nate. It bubbled in her belly and made her hands shake. Nate noticed the shaking. He brushed his hand against Jules’s arm. It was a fond gesture, not aggressive. Jules’s smile grew wider even though she tried to fight it back.

There was clattering coming from the kitchen. Nate didn’t turn to look. He was still staring deep into Jules’s eyes. They stood like that for a moment longer. Only inches apart, slowly leaning towards each other. Jules felt Nate’s breath on her skin. It was getting heavier by the second.

Nate was the first to pull back.

“I’ll see you later,” Nate said before he finally walked through the door.

**Author's Note:**

> Hiya!
> 
> I would like to remind you that just because I wrote it doesn't mean that I think this is healthy or romantic or whatever. It is supposed to be a fucked-up, toxic dynamic. I do not ship them, but for some reason I like to write about messed up affairs. 
> 
> Thank you for reading! If you liked this fic I hope you'll leave a comment. I might turn this into a multi-chapter fic or a series. 
> 
> Stay safe xxx


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